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Fear, mostly. Fear of loving someone too much. I know how totally insane that sounds, but remember: I'm a man. I'm genetically insane.The liquor cabin...t called to me. I could hear Mr. John Daniels calling to me. You might know him as Jack, but when you've been involved with the man as long as I have, he prefers the more formal John. Ah, sweet dark liquid of life. He has the cure for my ills.No, he doesn't. All he will make me do is get maudilin and depressed. I'll rage against the storm, scream. Finally, not looking up, she said there was one way to prove it to her, and I asked what that was. She hesitated a few seconds, then said I could have sex with her, and that might convince her I was telling the truth about liking girls.I wasn’t in the least bit shocked by the idea. I had, after all, had sex with my grandfather for over five years, from age seven to twelve, and at his urging I had taken a female cousin’s virginity when we were both ten, while he had watched. In fact, I still had. I unlocked the padlock. A key that I kept on a gold chain around my neck. Heidi had the spare key. He rubbed his cock, rubbed his balls. Life flowed back into them. He was quickly semi hard. “Careful!” I said. “Go and shower.”He returned glowing, towelling himself dry. I had been busy. I wore black stockings, suspender belt, and black heels. Nothing else. My make up, heavy, like a tart. Bright red lipstick. His cock was hard. Obscene, though sadly small.“Do what you want with me,” I told him.. Just to be in the presence of her would make me the happiest man on earth. But I couldn’t. I would never take her away from Juan.Over the next few weeks things got worse with the virus. More people became ill and there was no relief in sight. I spoke to my boss a few times and during the last call I was told that the company had filed for chapter 11 and I was out of a job. In love, in a foreign country with no income I was in a bind. I did have some savings and my credit cards were almost maxed.
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